Are you a Masochist? – How to decide if you are into pain and pleasure!

When diving into the world of BDSM, kinks, fetishes, and sexual desires, many eventually come across the question: Are you a Masochist?

There are many forms and signs of masochism, from sexual fantasies and desires to severe personal and mental disorders related to masochistic tendencies in everyday life. While here we mostly focus on sexual masochism and kinks, we also look briefly over other types!

By the end of the article, you will have a better understanding of what masochism really means, how to identify such tendencies, when or when not to live them out, and have a definitive answer to the question: Am I a masochist?

Let’s kink right in!

What is Masochism?

Masochism is the tendency to derive pleasure and often sexual gratification from one’s own physical or emotional pain, discomfort, or humiliation. While often connected to BDSM and sexual pleasure, severe cases can also become psychological disorders.

The term “masochism” is named after the 19th-century Austrian writer Leopold von Sacher-Masoch, whose works depicted these themes. It originated in psychological contexts but can also refer more broadly to the enjoyment of physical or emotional pain, not necessarily tied to sexual pleasure.

In today’s society, most people connect the term to BDSM, namely sadomasochism and various kinks and fetishes. Common ways of living out masochistic tendencies here are through getting spanked, sexually humiliated, dominated, or otherwise “used and abused” in a consensual manner.

There is a good chance that this is exactly what brought you here!

Masochists enjoy receiving pain or humiliation from others and often get sexual pleasure from it.

However, there are also various other uses of the word:

Masochism in Psychology

In psychology, masochism is sometimes considered a part of the normal human experience of pain and pleasure, and it can vary in intensity and form from mild to extreme. However, it’s important to distinguish between consensual activities that involve masochistic elements (like impact play or sexual humiliation) and harmful behaviors that might indicate a psychological disorder!

In clinical settings, masochism is often examined under the broader category of so-called paraphilias:

However, not all masochistic behavior is sexual in nature. Psychologists differentiate between sexual masochism, where the pain or humiliation is tied to sexual pleasure, and non-sexual forms of masochism, such as those where an individual might seek emotional pain or challenging situations for reasons unrelated to sexual gratification.

Other Uses of the Word “Masochism”

In everyday language, “masochism” can also be used in a non-sexual context to describe situations where someone seems to seek out unpleasant or punishing experiences, often without apparent reason or benefit. A good example is a colleague at the office who likes to consistently take on work that is thankless or stressful.

Are you a Masochist?

Sexual masochists enjoy receiving pain or humiliation from others and often get sexual pleasure from it.

Here are a few questions to ask yourself to determine whether you are a masochist:

• Do I get aroused by the thought of feeling pain?
• Would I like my partner to hurt me during sex?
• Have I ever fantasized about being whipped, in chains, or someone else hurting me?
• Do I have a certain fascination for torture scenes in movies or books?
• Have you ever inflicted light pain on yourself when masturbating?
• Does the thought of being humiliated by someone turn you on?
• Do I have a hard time saying no when others order me to do things, even if I don’t like it?

Answering yes to just one of them doesn’t make you a masochist per se. However, if you notice that most or all of this excites you or is true, you probably do have masochistic tendencies.

If so, you might enjoy our guide to sadomasochism and how to get started with SM play!

Of course, there is a fine line between being a masochist and enjoying some light form of pain or harder sex! For example, pinching your nipples or getting a few slaps on your butt during sex might be arousing to you, but that doesn’t mean you enjoy getting chained and whipped with a leather belt.

That’s okay! You do you and you decide, what you like!

I think it is nearly impossible to fake masochism and masochistic behavior. This means, that if you have tried sexual pain and pleasure play and absolutely could not stand it…that might just be the answer to your question.

Am I a Masochist Although I Cannot Stand Much Pain During a Session?

This is a very frequent question we have received over the years from many play partners and online.

There are indeed many people who love being tied up, whipped, beaten, or humiliated…but cannot stand much pain during a session. It feels a bit paradoxical, however, this is more common than you might think.

It makes sense though: Not everyone who enjoys something, can take the same amount of it.

There are those rare individuals who are masochistic and can take A LOT of impact during a session. You can virtually beat them with a metal rod until they’re black and blue and they will keep asking for more.

We also refer to them as “pain sluts“.

However, there are just as many who love being verbally or otherwise humiliated, but even light spankings are almost too much for them.

No matter where you fall, remember, that’s the beauty of BDSM: You can do whatever you like as long as it is consensual!

Sexual Masochism vs. Sexual Masochistic Disorder

Sexual masochists enjoy feeling pain, being whipped, tied up, and subjected to humiliation, as well as other forms of mistreatment for sexual pleasure. A sexual masochism disorder is diagnosed when a person frequently feels intense sexual excitement from such behaviors but also suffers from considerable distress or a disruption in their functioning.

There are fine lines between the two, and there isn’t always a clear divide.

As with everything, it’s easy to get caught up in the term “disorder” and we might not like to hear such a thing about ourselves.

That’s why we are going to look at some common personality traits next to help you understand yourself a bit better:

Masochistic Personality Traits

The following characteristics are often (but not always!) found in individuals with masochistic personality traits. If this feels like you, or someone you know, there is a chance you might have be a masochist:

1. Desire for Humiliation: A tendency to seek out situations where humiliation or degradation is a component of the sexual experience.
2. Pleasure from Pain: Finding sexual gratification in experiencing physical pain, such as spanking, whipping, or other forms of physical discipline.
3. Control and Restraint: An inclination toward scenarios involving bondage or other forms of restraint, where control is surrendered to a partner.
4. Fantasies Involving Suffering: Recurrent, intense sexual fantasies that involve themes of suffering or humiliation.
5. Compulsion and Intensity: The sexual urges or behaviors can be compelling and intense, often feeling like a necessary part of sexual satisfaction.

While the characteristics above are OKAY, there are other tendencies which can be more problematic:

1. Self-defeat is your second name: You are caught in repetitive patterns of self-sabotage, unable to experience pleasure without also feeling guilt or shame.
2. Abusive Relationships: You often find yourself in abusive relationships, enduring humiliation, and shame. Bearing this pain without showing it is often a way for masochists to retain some self-pride.
3. Risk-Taking Behavior: Engaging in sexual practices that involve a level of risk or potential harm, often with an emphasis on pushing personal boundaries.
4. Need for Validation: Some masochists have a constant need for validation or acceptance that is fulfilled through masochistic behaviors.
5. Emotional Turmoil: Experiencing significant distress or emotional conflict over their desires, particularly in cases of sexual masochistic disorder.
6. Secretiveness or Guilt: Often, there is a sense of shame or guilt associated with these desires, leading to secretive behaviors or a reluctance to discuss these interests openly.
7. Dependency on Masochistic Acts: A reliance on masochistic activities for sexual fulfillment, where traditional sexual activities may not provide the same level of satisfaction.
8. Impact on Daily Life: In cases of sexual masochistic disorder, the behaviors or fantasies can have a significant impact on the individual’s daily functioning or interpersonal relationships.
9. Constant Exhaustion: You tend to overwork yourself to achieve your goals, often to the point of exhaustion. This behavior is self-abusive as it involves pushing your limits excessively.
10. Difficulty with Intimacy: Challenges in forming or maintaining intimate relationships that do not involve masochistic elements. In other cases, you feel unloved and have historically had to work harder for acceptance from those around you, yet it never seemed sufficient.

If you feel like more than a few of these perfectly describe you, this can (but doesn’t have to) be an indicator of a masochistic disorder.

Seeking Help and Support

Being a masochist should lead you to a fulfilled sex life in which you can enjoy yourself while living out your fantasies. If you feel distressed or your desires interfere with your daily life, you can always seek professional help!

Resources like therapy, support groups, and educational materials can provide support and guidance. There are also many different emergency hotlines you can call at any time!

As a new sub or kinkster exploring SM, read our guide to sadomasochism, and how to find a Dom! These resources will help you get started and skip some of the mistakes others have made before you.