When to Stop a BDSM Session and How To Do It Right

Whether you are just starting out with kink or have been a long-time practitioner, sometimes things don’t feel right.

Of course, none of us ever want this to be the case, but the reality is that it happens all the time.

There can be many different reasons, but in every case, it’s super important to know when to stop a BDSM session and how to do it right!

As a small disclaimer, we are not talking about taking a small break in between or creating an (erotic) suspense but completely terminating a session.

No matter if you are a Dom, sub, bottom, top, or switch, remember:

You may stop a BDSM session at any point, for any reason whatsoever.

When to stop a BDSM session as a submissive

As a submissive, you should stop a BDSM session when you feel uncomfortable, threatened, neglected, or any other time you do not wish to continue. A simple “stop” is usually enough, while in other cases, a safeword should be used.

In the majority of cases, the desire to stop a session comes from the submissive or bottom part.

This should not be surprising, as they are often those most directly impacted physically and emotionally by a session or scene.

As a sub, you should be extra careful in demanding situations like impact play, degradation, or consensual non-consent (CNC).

Remember, you may stop a session or call your safeword whenever you feel like you want or have to!

Good reasons to stop a session as a submissive:

• You don’t feel comfortable with the Dom/partner
• There is unnatural pain during impact play
• You changed your mind about the setting
• Somebody overstepped your boundaries
• You don’t enjoy the session (any more)
• Your partner appears to be close to overstepping your boundary
• The other person is trying to force you to do something you do not feel comfortable with
• The session does not appear safe

If you feel like any of this happens to you at any point, please stop the session immediately!

There are unfortunately many people out there, even long-term Doms, who like to overstep boundaries or don’t create a safe and comfortable environment.

Extra tip: Do NOT let anyone argue or talk you into doing something you don’t want to do!

Bad reasons to stop a session as a submissive:

• As a joke
• Because you think that’s what it means to be a “brat”
• To provoke the Dom/Top
• As “payback” for personal reasons
• To top from the bottom
• To play mind games

Stopping a BDSM session or calling your safeword as a joke is a bit like crying for “help” as a prank on someone. It can lead to mistrust or even worse.

Again, this is not to say that you need to justify a safeword or stop a session but do it because it’s necessary and not to play mind games.

Quite often, I have encountered people using a safeword because they think it makes them appear “bratty”, while their Dom is very shaken because he/she feels like they might have overstepped a boundary they didn’t know about.

When to stop a session as a dominant

As a dominant, you should stop a BDSM session when you feel uncomfortable, or disrespected, or any other time you do not wish to continue. You should also do so, if you feel like the submissive is feeling this way but unable to communicate it. A simple “stop” is usually enough, while in other cases, a safeword should be used.

As a dominant, you may stop a BDSM session for the same reasons as a submissive and in the same way.

Yes, Doms can feel threatened and vulnerable too!

However, you also have the responsibility to do so when you notice the submissive partner might want to stop the session but is unable to do so.

Pay close attention to them during more extreme scenarios like impact play, degradation, forced practices, or even CNC.

Sometimes, subs are so caught up in a scene that they might not notice themselves that they are drifting into something they might regret later on.

Even when you feel an urge to continue, keep your cool and make the smart decision.

Good reasons to stop a session as a dominant:

• You don’t feel comfortable with the sub/partner
• You changed your mind about the setting
• Somebody overstepped your boundaries
• You don’t enjoy the session (anymore)
• Your partner appears to be close to overstepping your boundary
• The other person is trying to force you to do something you do not feel comfortable with
• The session does not appear safe
• Your submissive is in a situation where they cannot stop the scene on their own

It’s really simple: Don’t be a Dumb-Dom. 😉

Bad reasons to stop a session as a dominant:

• As a joke
• Out of “reflex” when you try something for the first time
• As “payback” for personal reasons

Again, the same rules apply to dominants as submissives with the extra that being a dom means staying cool and in control during a scene.

How to Stop a BDSM Session

The best way to immediately stop a BDSM session is a safeword. If you have not picked one yet, a verbal or non-verbal “no” should be enough to terminate a scene. Talk about what happened afterward and make sure to include aftercare, as well!

Here are my 5 steps to terminating a BDSM session when something goes wrong:

1 Be in the right mindset

As always, consent comes first and it has to be given/received before even starting a session.

Don’t be ashamed to stop a scene as either the Dom or the sub. It happens all the time and it’s better to be safe than sorry.

2 Use a safeword

In BDSM play, a safeword is the best way to stop a session. It is unmistakable and everyone knows what it signifies.

However, if you are just starting out or have not agreed upon one, a simple “no” is sufficient, as well.

3 Stop the scene immediately and without delay

Now is not the time for questions, discussions, or delays.

Immediately stop whatever you’re doing and ensure everyone can get back to “normal”. This includes untieing any ropes (or cutting them if necessary!), putting on clothes, and removing any restraints.

4 Move on to aftercare if possible/necessary

Aftercare should never be neglected, especially after demanding sessions.

5 Talk about what happened

Talk each other through what happened and why/when it went wrong.

Be as open and honest as you can.

Conclusion

Hopefully, you now have a better feeling about how you can stop a BDSM session if it doesn’t go as planned and how to act.

It’s okay to say no! Keep this in mind, please.

If you found this helpful or have any other questions, leave them in the comments and I will try to answer them as best as possible.